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The Radio Play Course
Example 2
(return to Syllabus for
The Radio Play Course)

"The End is Near" is an example of the complete 40 minute radio play without commercial breaks.  Keep in mind that several parts might be played by the same actor -- in radio, it's easier to do. 

It is a translation from the Dutch, done by the author for this course in The Radio Play.  It is discussed in his biography.  Study it carefully as a prime example of how to structure your own radio play.  If you would like to produce this play, please contact radio@simegen.com or simegen@simegen.com for more information. 

WARNING: If you found the movie, "Oh, God" starring George Burns as God and John Denver as a grocery-clerk-prophet, offensive, you might find this play offensive too.

 

The  End Is Near
Copyright 2000 by Brian Hoolahan

published here by arrangement with the author

 

CAST

: Mr. Zwartz 
: Lord
: Waitress #1
: Waitress #2
: Customer
: Dr. Walters
: Lizzy
: Police Officer #1
: John
: Mark
: Luke
: Matthew
: Market Man
: Market Lady
: Dealer
: Hooker
: Porter #1
:Porter #2
: Police Officer #2

 

FADE IN:

SOUND OF BUSY STREET. PEOPLE WALKING, CARS DRIVING PAST. WE HEAR MR. ZWARTZ SHOUTING ON THE STREET.

MR. ZWARTZ:

The end is near. The end is near. Hear my words, The Lord is coming. Save yourself before it's too late. The end is near. You still have a chance, because I know. I know the Lord is coming.

MR. ZWARTZ CONTINUES TO SHOUT WHILE....

AMONGST THE CROWD WE HEAR THE SOUND OF FOOTSTEPS DRAWING CLOSER TO THE MR. ZWARTZ, THEN FINALLY THEY STOP.

LORD:

Hello, I am the Lord.

MR. ZWARTZ:

Wha...What? Blasphemer.

LORD:

Be quiet please, you're disturbing the people with all that shouting.

MR. ZWARTZ:

But...but..

LORD:

You've been standing here the whole morning straining your vocal cords about me coming, and now I here and you're having doubts? I don't believe it!

LORD:

Everybody has their doubts. But I think that this is the time that everyone stopped doubting.

MR. ZWARTZ

The prophecies have come true!

LORD

There are so many strange stories going around about me and it never stops. Actually it's all John fault. He began it all. The man has such a fantasy there's no end to it. He is the best story teller, and you could listen to him for hours. You honestly don't believe half the stories he wrote about me do you?

MR. ZWARTZ

Well....ehm..

LORD

However, there are a number that are quite true. But that's another story, and I'm not here to discuss it. I say we go to a restaurant somewhere and have a nice quiet little talk.

MR. ZWARTZ:

A talk? with you?... I don't know.

LORD

If you still doubt me I can always leave you to go on shouting about me, and the next time I won't come!

MR. ZWARTZ:

All right all right, I'm sorry. I know a small place where we can go.

LORD:

And don't worry, I'll pay.

SOUND OF CAFETERIA

MR. ZWARTZ:

Look, there's a free place.

LORD:

Looks good, let's take a seat.

MR. ZWARTZ:

They’ve got the best coffee in town here. But... do you drink coffee?

LORD

Of course, why not?

WAITRESS:

Can I help you gentlemen?

MR. ZWARTZ:

Two coffee.

LORD:

With plenty of milk and sugar please.

WAITRESS:

Coming right up.

LORD:

Like I said, some of the stories John wrote are based on pure fantasy. We used to laugh at what he could dream up. Still, there are quite a few that are true.

MR. ZWARTZ:

Such as?

LORD:

Well there are the usual miracles, nothing spectacular, walking on water, raising people from the dead...

MR. ZWARTZ:

You mean the standard miracles.

LORD:

I suppose you could call it that. But I don’t do it so much any more. The last time I worked a miracle the people went totally crazy (LAUGH). Those were the days. They were quickly riled up, totally different from the people today. Apart from that John had a bit of a big mouth, before I knew it he was publicizing another story. The people loved it, and that led to thousands of requests asking me to raise family or friends from the dead, even those who had died a hundred years previous.

MR. ZWARTZ

That must of been hell! Oh excuse me, I mean a big problem.

LORD

Yes, but that was not the only problem. The rulers of the day also went berserk! They thought I’d be raising all those they had sentenced to death! You wouldn’t believe the problems that caused.

MR. ZWARTZ:

I can imagine. Wasn’t there anyone you could talk to about it?

LORD:

Yes, thousands. But when I wanted to just sit down for a nice talk they just stood there staring at me with open mouths going DAAAAAHH. That all they ever said, DAAAHHH. They used to drive me crazy.

MR. ZWARTZ:

Fascinating. What else can you do?

LORD:

Well, I can pull a rabbit out of a hat. Although everybody knows that one. Although everything I do is blown out of proportions. Why can’t the people except things as they are.

MR. ZWARTZ:

I have to tell you the something. I’m receiving treatment.

LORD:

Treatment?

MR. ZWARTZ:

About me shouting about you. That's why I’m receiving treatment. I get such a kick out of it. I’ve been seeing a psychiatrist for years.

WAITRESS:

Coffee gentlemen?

MR. ZWARTZ:

Watch out!

SOUND OF CUPS AND SAUCERS CRASHING TO THE FLOOR.

WAITRESS:

Oh Christ!

LORD:

Yes?

WAITRESS:

Huh? OOooohhhhhhhhhh

WAITRESS FAINTS.

MR. ZWARTZ:

She’s fainted

LORD:

Oh dear me, that happens all the time.

ANOTHER WAITRESS COMES RUNNING UP

WAITRESS #2:

Here I’ve got some water.

MR. ZWARTZ:

Wait, no water. I saw a program on television where they said you can go into shock by giving water to someone who has fainted. They said the best thing to do is laugh and be happy, sing a song maybe.

CUSTOMER:

He’s right. Maybe she’s already gone into shock.

WAITRESS #2

Quick, lets sing a song. We can still save her.

THE CAST START TO SING A MERRY SONG. (choice of the cast)

MR. ZWARTZ:

My God, look what you’ve started!

LORD:

I should have known. This happens all the time.

MR. ZWARTZ:

Lets get out of here.

SOUND OF STREET.

MR. ZWARTZ:

Why did she faint.

LORD:

It always happens whenever I come in contact with women. I don’t understand it at all. Maybe that’s the reason why I've always had problems meeting them.

MR. ZWARTZ:

I’ve always wondered about that.

LORD:

These things happen.

MR. ZWARTZ: LAUGHING

You can’t have everything.

(beat)

Hey, there’s my psychiatrist.

(shouting)

Dr. Walters!

LORD

Don't run across...

SOUND OF SCREECHING OF CAR WHEELS.

DR. WALTERS SCREAMS

LORD:

It’s a good thing you put your faith in me.

MR. ZWARTZ:

Hello Dr. Walters. I’m glad I saw you. You are not going to believe this.

DR. WALTERS:

Mr Zwartz! I believe you nearly got yourself killed.

MR. ZWARTZ:

You don't have to worry about anything like that any more. I want to introduce you to...

DR. WALTERS:

Oh my God!

MR. ZWARTZ:

How did you know?

DR. WALTERS:

And I thought you were crazy. I think I’ll have to study your case more carefully.

LORD:

Could we go somewhere quiet, we have to talk.

DR. WALTERS:

We can go to my office.

SHORT MUSICAL INTERLUDE

DR. WALTERS:

My secretary is out to lunch, please come into my office.

MR. ZWARTZ:

This is incredible. I’d never had imagined that something like this could happen. In the same room with the Lord himself and my psychiatrist who has tried for years to convince me he didn't exist. I think I deserve a refund!

DR. WALTERS:

Now Mr...ehm. That was not the only reason why you were having treatment. For instance...

MR. ZWARTZ:

I don't think we should go into that right now.

INTERCOM BEEP

LIZZY:

I'm back from lunch Dr. Walters. There is someone on the line who needs a psychiatrist urgently. He insists on talking to you right away.

DR. WALTERS:

Okay Lizzy, put him through.

TELEPHONE RING

DR. WALTERS:

Hello, Dr. Walters speaking, from Walters, Walters, Walters and Walters junior. Specialists in Schizo's, Psycho's, manic depressives, inferiority complexes, paranoids and......

INTERCOM BUZZ

DR. WALTERS:

Lizzy, what was that last one again?

LIZZY:

Psychlothemia.

DR. WALTERS:

Oh yes. Pschlothemia. Can I help you?

CALLER:

AAAAAAAaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh

PUTS DOWN THE PHONE

DR. WALTERS:

Oh dear, too late.

DR. WALTERS: (CONT)

So, where were we? There is something I've always been want to ask you. Whatever happened to the twelve apostles?

LORD:

They're still around, but I only have four at my side. Mathew, Mark, Luke, and John. As you know, they transcribed all what happened. But their stories became so popular the authorities had trouble controlling the crowds. Everything got out of hand. They were getting such a kick out of it all they became a danger to themselves and everyone around them. I've had to lock them up for a while. The others were no problem so I let them go their own way.

DR. WALTERS:

I don't believe it!

LORD:

It's true. I never lie.

DR. WALTERS

I can imagine. But where are the other four?

LORD

Not far from here. In the mountains nearby is a cave structure where they have been staying.

Dr. Walters

And are they all right?

LORD

Apart from the fact that Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John are absolutely mad, and getting worse, you could say they are in good shape.

DR. WALTERS

Interesting. Could I meet them?

LORD

Yes, that's possible.

DR. WALTERS

Wonderful. Let's have something to celebrate. What can I get you?

LORD

I wouldn't say no to a glass of wine.

DR. WALTERS

Wine? of course. Coming up.

SHORT MUSICAL INTERLUDE

SOUND OF VERY OLD CAR (MODEL-T) DRIVING ALONG THE ROAD.

DR. WALTERS

Where did you get this......automobile. (softly) What a heap of junk.

LORD

I picked it up for a small price the last time I was out.

DR. WALTERS

When was that.

LORD

I can't remember exactly. I never keep track of dates.

MR. ZWARTZ

This must be at least 80 years old.

SOUND OF POLICE SIREN.

DR. WALTERS

Shit. Oh pardon me. It's the police. We have to pull over.

SOUND OF MODEL-T SLOWING DOWN AND PULLING OVER TO THE SIDE OF THE ROAD.

DR. WALTERS

The officer is getting out of his car. He'll probably only ask you for your license and let you go. You weren't exactly speeding were you.

LORD

What license?

DR. WALTERS

You can't drive around without a license.

POLICE OFFICER

Good afternoon sir, may I see your license and registration?

LORD

Good afternoon, it's only me.

POLICE OFFICER

Oh my....

LORD

..Yes, I know.

POLICE OFFICER

I didn't realise. I'm sorry for bothering you. Please drive on.

SOUND OF MODEL-T DRIVING AWAY.

DR. WALTERS

How did you manage to do that?

LORD

No idea. It's just one of those things. When I want people to know, they know!

MR. ZWARTZ

Phew, that was a close shave. It's a good thing you are who you are, because if you weren't who you are I wouldn't know who you really were!

DR. WALTERS

Is it far? We've been driving nearly an hour.

LORD

We are nearly there. It is just around the next bend.

CAR COMES TO A HALT ON LOOSE GRAVEL. ENGINE SWITCHES OFF. SOUND OF CAR DOORS CLOSING.

LORD

This way.

DR. WALTERS

You mean we have to climb in through that small hole in the side of that mountain? I'm not dressed for that.

LORD

Don't worry. It immediately opens out into a large cave. You'll be surprised how big it is.

DR. WALTERS

After you.

MR. ZWARTZ

No, after you. Ladies first.

DR. WALTERS

No thank you, I'd rather not.

LORD

I'll go first.

SOUND OF THEM WALKING INTO TUNNEL

DR. WALTERS

I can't see a thing.

LORD

Has anyone got a light?

MR. ZWARTZ

I thought you'd supply the light?

LORD

Why me?

MR. ZWARTZ

You know why. You can do those things.

LORD

But I don't smoke.

MR. ZWARTZ

Forget it. Maybe I've got a lighter somewhere. Here, found it.

SOUND OF CIGARETTE LIGHTER FLICKING ON.

MR. ZWARTZ/DR. WALTERS

Oooooohhhhhh

DR. WALTERS

It's beautiful.

MR. ZWARTZ

It's heavenly.

LORD

It's this way.

SOUND OF THEM WALKING THROUGH THE CAVE

MR. ZWARTZ

Look, a huge door blocking the tunnel.

LORD

We're here.

SOUND OF METAL KNOCKER BANGING ON THE DOOR

LORD

Open up, it's me.

JOHN

Who's there?

LORD

John. It's only me with a couple of friends.

JOHN

What's the password.

LORD

Password. Since when is there a password?

JOHN

Mark, when did we start using the password?

MARK

Thirty years ago.

LORD

But I've been away much longer then that. How am I supposed to know what the password is?

JOHN

If anyone should know the password it's you. You're the all seeing, all knowing, all powerful aren't you?

APOSTLES LAUGH

MARK

He can do this, he can do that, and he should know the password.

LORD

Come on, open the door. I've brought guests.

MARK

Not again. The man you brought last time was more insane then anyone Roman. He used to get up in the middle of the night, get down on his hands and knees, and pray for hours on end. Kept us awake half the night. Didn't want to eat either, lived only on bread and water.

LUKE

Until the wine landed on the table to go with the evening supper. Then he helped himself. Within minutes he finished half a casket of wine and was drunk as a Lord!

APOSTLES LAUGH.

LUKE (CONT'D)

Mind you, the last time he was so drunk it gave us a great chance to get rid of him.

MARK

Where did we leave him Luke?

LUKE

I wouldn't know Mark, I drank the other half of the casket.

APOSTLES LAUGH

LORD

(angry) That's enough, open the door. You know it's me.

UNDER THE LAUGHTER WE HEAR THE SOUND OF MANY LOCKS ON THE DOOR BEING OPENED.

JOHN

We had you fooled there, didn't we!

LORD

Next time I'll blow up the door.

MARK

Don't be silly, you couldn't blow up the lining of a sheeps belly.

APOSTLES LAUGH

WE HEAR THE SOUND MANY LOCKS TURNING, THEN THE GIANT DOOR OPENS

JOHN

It IS you. Let's open a casket of wine to celebrate your return.

ALL THE APOSTLES CHEER.

SHORT MUSICAL INTERLUDE.

JOHN

And what do you do?

DR. WALTERS

Actually I'm a psychiatrist.

MARK

(LAUGHING) That's a good one.

LUKE

Never heard of it.

JOHN

What is a psychoter?

DR. WALTERS

Psychiatrist. I study peoples minds. Analyzing how people think and helping them through the dark periods in their life.

MATTHEW

Well you've come to the right place. It's been dark a long time down here, maybe you can help us?

DR. WALTERS

We could always try!

JOHN

I'll drink to that. Give a toast Luke.

LUKE

Raise your drinking vessels.

(beat)

To the light in our darkness, and to this barrel of good wine. May it never run empty.

APOSTLES TOGETHER

It never does!

(LAUGHTER AND CHEERS)

SHORT MUSICAL INTERLUDE

WE HEAR THE SOUND OF THE MEN SNORING

DR. WALTERS

Shouldn't you sleep?

LORD

I can't. I've got too much on my mind.

DR. WALTERS

You can always talk to me about it.

LORD

Of course, you're a professional.

DR. WALTERS

That is one of the good points.

LORD

And the other?

DR. WALTERS

I get double rate after dark.

(beat)

What's the problem?

LORD

I'm worried about my friends. They have been here so long.....

IN THE BACKGROUND WE HEAR THE MELANCHOLY SOUND OF A VIOLIN.

LORD (CONT'D)

Time has a total different meaning for them then it has for you. They experience it differently. For them time is of little importance, yet their time here is having an adverse effect on their minds. The only input they have is from their own imagination, and that's the problem. They need new experiences, new faces, new adventures. Everything to stimulate the mind of a child, and these are children. Innocent, playful, heartbreaking and beautiful. Everything a child is.

DR. WALTERS

When are you going to let them out of here.

LORD

As soon as possible.

DR. WALTERS

Then it's not a coincidence I'm here.

LORD

Oh no. I needed someone who knows people. One who is sympathetic to their needs, and will help them adjust to the modern world. The time is ripe to let them lead a normal life. They will blend easily into modern day culture with it's thousands of different life styles. There are more crazy people walking around on the streets then there are locked up. These days it's of no importance as to what you are or how you behave. People generally live their lives by their own rules and are not bothered by their neighbor. Look after number one, isn't that what they say these days? Thirty years ago my friends would have drawn too much attention to themselves. Their presence among men could have been catastrophic, but now they can immerse themselves in a sea of humanity without causing a ripple. In a sense it's a pity. They lose their identity, but at the same time they can be free to go out and live among mankind.

VIOLIN FINISHES PLAYING

WE HEAR THE SOUND OF THE APOSTLES PACKING THEIR BELONGINGS

LORD

Have you got everything?

APOSTLES

Yeah, got everything. It's all in there. Got the lot. We're ready to go.

SOUND OF LARGE DOOR OPENING

JOHN

Are there donkeys to bring us to the village?

MR. ZWARTZ

No John, we've got other transport.

LUKE

Horse and buggy?

MR. ZWARTZ

More or less.

JOHN

You'll need at least two horses to pull a buggy with all of us.

MR. ZWARTZ

Don't worry about a thing, you'll see.

JOHN

Look, I see a light, come on boys.

LUKE

At last, after all these years.

WE HEAR THE SOUND OF THEM RUNNING OUTSIDE, THEN SCREAMING AND SHOUTING IN PAIN

LUKE

Aaaahhhh my eyes. The pain.

MATTHEW

I can't see, I'm blind.

MARK

The light is burning my eyes.

DR. WALTERS

Quick everybody, back into the cave.

MR. ZWARTZ

Hold onto me. I'll guide you.

INSIDE THE CAVE

DR. WALTERS

Their eyes need time to adjust to the light.

MARK

(moaning) We're all blind.

LORD

Don't panic Mark. It will only last a few minutes.

LUKE

Yes, I can see again.

JOHN

Me too.

MATTHEW

Another miracle.

APOSTLES TOGETHER

OOOoooohhhhhh

LORD

Here, take these. They will protect your eyes.

WE HEAR THE SOUND OF PLASTIC CRACKING AND BREAKING

LORD

(shouting) You're not supposed to eat them! (sigh) You put them on your nose and those long things go behind your ears. Like that.

JOHN

Like that?

LORD

Yes John, like that.

JOHN

I still can't see a thing.

LORD

Wait until you are outside, then it will work. OK, John, you hold onto Mark. Mark, you hold onto John. Luke you hold onto Mark. And Matthew......ehm... you grab hold of Luke. Ready?

APOSTLES

Ready!

LORD

Let's go.

MARK

Doesn't this remind you of something?

APOSTLES TOGETHER

The blind leading the blind. (laughter)

LORD

Mouths shut, eyes open, and keep walking.

JOHN

Sorry!

OUTSIDE THE CAVE

APOSTLES TOGETHER

OOOOoooohhhhhhhh

MATTHEW

What a sight.

MARK

It's beautiful.

JOHN

We're alive again.

LUKE

It is so....(sniff sniff)

LUKE BEGINS TO CRY

THE OTHER APOSTLES BEGIN TO LAUGH AT LUKE

MATTHEW

There he goes again.

MARK

I was wondering how long it would take before the tears came to his eyes.

LUKE CRIES LOUDER

JOHN

Who's got the ear plugs?

APOSTLES ALL LAUGH

MR. ZWARTZ

What's the matter with Luke?

LORD

Always the emotional one. He'll be all right shortly.

FADE TO SOUND OF THEM WALKING ON GRAVEL

MATTHEW

Is it far?

LORD

Not too far.

MR. ZWARTZ

I hope there is room enough for everyone.

LORD

That won't be a problem.

MR. ZWARTZ

Maybe not, but we are bound to run into trouble with the police if there are too many people in the car.

LORD

Don't worry about a thing. I can take care of all that.

MR. ZWARTZ

Of course, I nearly forgot.

LORD

At the bottom of this hill is our transport. Take it easy. I don't want any of you breaking any bones on the way down.

WE HEAR THE APOSTLES RUN DOWN THE HILL SCREAMING AND SHOUTING LIKE YOUNG CHILDREN HAVING FUN.

THEY GRIND TO A HALT.

JOHN

Look Matthew, there's the carriage but the horses have run away.

MATTHEW

I can fix that. (shouting) Here horsy, here horse

ALL THE APOSTLES BEGIN TO CALL FOR THE HORSES.

APOSTLES

Here horsy horsy. Come to daddy, here horsy

THE PSYCHIATRIST RUNS UP TO THEM

DR. WALTERS

Wait, you don't understand. There are no horses!

JOHN

Oh no?

MATTHEW

I know. Here donkey....

THE REST OF THE APOSTLES BEGIN TO SHOUT WITH MATTHEW

APOSTLES TOGETHER

Here donkey, here mule, eeeeaaaa eeeeaaaa

DR. WALTERS

Stop, stop, you still don't understand.

MATTHEW

Huh? You're not being pulled are we?

DR. WALTERS

No, nothing like that. These days they don't use animals for pulling people around.

MARK

Oh dear, now we've got problems. They use people!

JOHN

I refuse to pull anyone anywhere, and definitely not in that.....box.

DR. WALTERS

Of course not John, believe me. No one has to pull or push anything. Just watch me.

SOUND OF CAR TRYING TO START BUT THE BATTERIES ARE LOW.

DR. WALTERS

Oh no, the batteries.

LORD

Is that a problem?

DR. WALTERS

Not really but the only way to get going is to push. I'm afraid everybody will have to help.

APOSTLES MOAN AND GRUMBLE

JOHN

Oh YEAH? You see, I Was right!

MATTHEW

I'm not going to pull anything.

JOHN

If you think I'm going to push that at my age you've got another thing coming.

DR. WALTERS

Listen, wait a minute. You only have to push it a few steps.

JOHN

And then?

DR. WALTERS

Then it pushes itself.

APOSTLES TOGETHER

Yeah sure. (laughing) Some chance. I'm not falling for that one!

DR. WALTERS

It's true, I'll prove it. Everybody get behind the car. When I give the sign you push.

THE APOSTLES MOAN AND GROAN AS THEY TAKE UP POSITION BEHIND THE CAR.

DR. WALTERS

Everybody ready?

ALL

Yes.

DR. WALTERS

PUSH!

THEY START TO PUSH THE CAR. IT STARTS UP AND DRIVES AWAY

JOHN

Look Matthew. It's moving on it's own.

MATTHEW

It's stopping.

LUKE

It's coming back!

MATTHEW

Everybody run for your lives.

APOSTLES TOGETHER

AAAAaaaaahhhhhhh

LORD

Come back you fools. It's not dangerous at all.

JOHN

Mark, can you see the animals pulling that cart?

MARK

No. It's.......it's...

JOHN

Another miracle!

APOSTLES TOGETHER

Ooooohhhhh

JOHN

This will make another great story as soon I get hold of some pen and parchment.

SHORT MUSICAL INTERLUDE

SOUND OF CITY STREETS.

MR. ZWARTZ

This is the city. This is where modern man lives.

LORD

From now on this is where you'll stay.

MARK

What a mess.

LUKE

It's different then I thought. I miss the sound and smell of mules and horses.

DR. WALTERS

I don't!

JOHN

Are they all.......dead?

DR. WALTERS

Of course not. This is the progression of modern society.

MARK

Progression?

DR. WALTERS

These days we live in a structured civilized community, where organization plays an important part of our daily life.

LUKE

What is she going on about?

JOHN

I haven't a clue Luke.

DR. WALTERS

I think it would be a good idea if we all went back to my office and try to put everything into perspective. There we can explain everything in comfortable and pleasant surroundings. I'm sure we can come to a pleasant arrangement regarding the costs.

MR. ZWARTZ

I don't believe it. You're doing it for the money!

DR. WALTERS

That is not true. I only want to help. If you wish we can discuss the terms another time. These gentlemen, are my offices.

WE HEAR THE SOUND OF KEYS TURNING A LOCK AND A DOOR OPENING.

DR. WALTERS

After you, Lord. I'll introduce you to my secretary.

DR. WALTERS

Lizzy, this is...

LIZZY GIVES A SHORT GASP OF SURPRISE AND FAINTS

DR. WALTERS

She's fainted.

MATTHEW

That was quick. At least that still works.

MARK

He hasn't lost his touch, that's for sure.

LUKE

You've either got it or you haven't.

JOHN

Oh he's got it all right, and not just a little bit either.

APOSTLES LAUGH

MR. ZWARTZ

Someone help me.

MATTHEW

I got her.

MR. ZWARTZ

Put her on the couch.

DR. WALTERS

Not there. That is reserved for those who pay.

MR. ZWARTZ

See what I mean! All she ever thinks about is money.

DR. WALTERS

Will you stop trying to make me out to be something I'm not! Can't you understand how important this is? WE have been chosen to carry out an important task. If not the most important in the last two thousand years.

MR. ZWARTZ

All right all right, now where can I put your secretary?

DR. WALTERS

Ehm....maybe...

MR. ZWARTZ

hurry up before I drop her or get a heart attack.

DR. WALTERS

Okay, put her on the couch.

MR. ZWARTZ

Thank God for that.

APOSTLES SING TOGETHER

AMEN!

MR. ZWARTZ

By the way, why didn't you faint when you met him?

DR. WALTERS

That's true. Nothing happened to me. I've no idea why I did not faint.

JOHN

She didn't faint? Very unusual.

MATTHEW

That does not happen a lot, right Mark?

MARK

They usually drop like flies.

LORD

There is a reason.

APOSTLES TOGETHER

There is?

LORD

You have to realize that these people are not here for me but for you. People are the fruit of the earth that - like everything else - needs to ripen into maturity. You are now about to go out among the people, the doctor and her friend are here to guide you to full maturity during the process.

MATTHEW

There he goes again. I don't understand the half of what he's on about, do you Mark?

MARK

Not a word. But don't worry, John will make a good story out of it so we'll all understand. What do you say Luke?

LUKE

If anyone can make sense of it, John can!

MR. ZWARTZ

Where do we go from here?

DR. WALTERS

They have to slowly accustomize themselves to the surroundings. The city might be too much for them to begin with.

MARK

I don't mind going back to the city.

MATTHEW

Me either. There is so much to see and do.

LUKE

Think of the fun we'll have.

MR. ZWARTZ

If you want I'll show them around. We can be back within the hour.

DR. WALTERS

(hesitant) I don't think that's a good idea.

LORD

I think it's time to give it a try. I can't hold them on a line forever.

APOSTLES TOGETHER

(cheering) Great. Let's go. Yippee. Where's the door.

DR. WALTERS

What do we do if something goes wrong?

LORD

You don't have to worry, I have all the faith in our friend.

MR. ZWARTZ

Wait a minute, all the faith? I don't think I can handle that much responsibility.

DR. WALTERS

My words exactly.

LORD

Lets say I trust you to take care of things.

MR. ZWARTZ

You bet. Come on guy's, we're heading for the city.

APOSTLES SHOUT FOR JOY

Yippee, hooray, Yahoo

JOHN

Ehm... pardon me miss, but could I borrow a big stick? We forgot to take ours.

DR. WALTERS

What do you mean by big stick?

JOHN

You know, a big stick. At least the length and a half of an arm, and as thick as your fist, or thicker.

DR. WALTERS

What are you going to use that for?

MARK

To keep the thieves away of course.

JOHN

They're better off with a quick whack on the head with a piece of quality oak then to be taken away by the Kings guards and thrown to the lions.

MATTHEW

Or worse then that, left to rot in the dungeons.

LUKE

Anyway, a tick on the head never did anyone any harm.

LORD

Not when I was around it didn't.

DR. WALTERS

I'm sorry, I'm afraid I don't have anything like that around here. but modern man does not use that sort of thing anymore. Hundreds of years ago maybe, but not these days.

MR. ZWARTZ

She's right. These days you can freely walk the streets without any fear at all.

APOSTLES START TO MOAN AND GRUMBLE

LORD

QUIET! You have to listen to our friends. You do not need weapons at all.

Dr. Walters

I wouldn't agree with Mr Zwartz entirely, but it is generally safe.

JOHN

Then what are we waiting for. Let's head for the city.

APOSTLES CHEER

SHORT MUSICAL INTERLUDE

WE HEAR THE SOUND OF A CAR DRIVING THROUGH THE CITY

MR. ZWARTZ

.......and it does not matter where in the world you are, the hamburgers taste everywhere the same.

LUKE

Bah, disgusting.

MARK

What a horrible thought.

MR. ZWARTZ

And on your left side is the police station. They make sure order and peace is kept in the city.

APOSTLES

Boooo Booooo. Throw them to the lions. Off with their heads. Booooo.

MR. ZWARTZ

And on your right side is the central bank. Here you can deposit your money safely and take it out anytime you need it.

MATTHEW

They are not getting my money.

MARK

You've got no money Matthew.

MATTHEW

Oh yes I have Mark.

MARK

Since when!

MATTHEW

I.... I've always had it.

MARK

I don't believe a word. I've searched our clothes so many times I've never found a thing.

MATTHEW

I've always kept it hidden. But it's not that much. Just enough to buy a loaf of bread and a casket of wine.

MR. ZWARTZ

Can I see?

MATTHEW

Here!

SOUND OF JINGLE OF COINS

MR. ZWARTZ

Wow. After you've bought the bread and wine you could buy the supermarket as well.

MATTHEW

Really?

MR. ZWARTZ

No kidding.

MATTHEW

What's a supermarket?

MR. ZWARTZ

It's a..... I'll explain another time.

JOHN

What is that?

MR. ZWARTZ

It's the local market. As you can see it's all indoors. No more problems anymore with the cold and rain in the winter or the heat in the summer.

JOHN

That's exactly the way it was in our time. You see, not much has changed at all. Stop the carriage. I want to take a look.

SOUND OF MARKET TRADERS, PEOPLE BUYING FRUIT, VEG, ETC

MARK

Look at all that fruit.

LUKE

I've never seen so much before.

MATTHEW

look over there, FISH.

JOHN

(Sniff sniff) It smell fresh. Not like in our day.

LUKE

The memories are all coming back. It's all too much (starts to cry)

JOHN

There he goes again.

MATTHEW

This is a truly incredible place. Look up there. The light shines beautifully through the ...... through the.....

MR. ZWARTZ

That's what I wanted to tell you. This used to be a .....

JOHN

...A place of prayer!

MR. ZWARTZ

Ach, that's not so important these days John.

JOHN

(Shouting) How could they. Blasphemers, heathens. Get out, everybody out!

MARKET MAN

Hey, stop shouting at the customers.

JOHN

Making illicit profit in a place of prayer. You are all doomed to burn in hell.

MARKET MAN

Don't tell the IRS. Nothing illicit about it friend. Anyone can get a license from the mayors office.

JOHN

You will all be punished for your sins.

MARKET LADY

Listen to him, he sounds like one of those religious nuts.

(laughs)

And would you look at his clothes, he looks like an apostle.

ALL THE PEOPLE IN THE MARKET BEGIN TO LAUGH

MARKET LADY (cont'd)

I have never seen anything like it.

THE ANGER IN THE APOSTLES GOES OUT OF CONTROL

WE HEAR THEM SHOUTING HEATHENS, BLASPHEMERS ETC.

THE LAUGHTER AMONG THE CROWD QUICKLY TURNS TO SCREAMS WITH THE SOUND OF STALLS BEING OVERTURNED AND GLASS BREAKING, WOOD CRACKING, MONEY FALLING TO THE GROUND ETC.

MR. ZWARTZ

Stop, you can't do this! Stop.

MATTHEW

Just another few stalls and we're finished.

MORE STALLS CRASH TO THE GROUND. PEOPLE SCREAM - CRY FOR HELP ETC

JOHN

That's enough lads, we're finished here, lets go.

fade to park

WE HEAR THE SOUND OF THE MR. ZWARTZ AND THE APOSTLES ALL OUT OF BREATH.

MR. ZWARTZ

Stop running. We're safe in this park.

(beat)

Please, never do that again. I nearly got a heart attack.

JOHN

Don't worry, I know the right man to get you back on your feet if your heart gives out.

DEALER

Hey man. You want to buy some first class coke?

MATTHEW

How much is it?

DEALER

This is the best quality. For you a special price.

MR. ZWARTZ

Matthew, don't do it. Don't buy anything.

DEALER

Hey you. Keep your nose out of my business.

MR. ZWARTZ

Don't tell me what to do. Get out of here with your poison.

MATTHEW

Sorry my son. I have to go by what my friend says.

DEALER

Too bad granddad! (walking away) Your buddy just blew you the trip of a lifetime.

JOHN

But the lad only wanted to sell Matthew something. It's quite all right in this park. This is not concencrated ground.

MR. ZWARTZ

That is not the point. What he wanted to sell was not exactly....

HOOKER

Say boys, anyone interested in a good time?

MARK

Pardon?

HOOKER

You know what I mean, big boy!

MR. ZWARTZ

Don't say another word, Mark. Excuse me miss, they're very religious and quite old fashioned. I don't think they would be interested.

HOOKER

Oops, sorry gentlemen. Maybe another time.

MARK

But she looked like a very nice young lady. She had at least three gold crosses on different parts of her..... face and.....body!

MR. ZWARTZ

Very nice!

LUKE

Did she want to sell something?

MR. ZWARTZ

I thought the oldest profession went as far back as you guys.

LUKE

Sorry?

MR. ZWARTZ

Forget it. Come on, we've got to get out of here.

SOUND OF A BUSY STREET

MARK

What a nice colorful neighborhood this is. Shiny walls, and mirror, and ...colored lights!

PORTER

Come inside, see the beautiful sexy girls dancing for your pleasure only.

MATTHEW

Would you look at those pictures!

PORTER

Yes sir, we have the most beautiful girls in the world all steamed up or your enjoyment. The best show in town.

MATTHEW

Really? For me?

PORTER

This is your last chance old man, you'll never find another show like this on the planet.

MATHEW

Maybe I could just take a little....

MR. ZWARTZ

(shouting) MATTHEW!

MATTHEW

All right I'm coming I'm coming.

PORTER #2

This way gentlemen. The most beautiful girls performing for you the best show in town.

MATTHEW

But that man just down there said he had the best show in town.

PORTER #2

Well he's a liar.

LUKE

We don't like liars.

MATTHEW

What have you got in your show?

LUKE

We once saw Abrin Mehad, the most famous snake charmer from Judea. Do you know him?

PORTER #2

Snake charmer from Judea? Listen paps, if you're into men and snake charmers maybe you could go to our other joint two blocks up. We only got the ladies here.

JOHN

(angry) What is this place.

PORTER #2

The right place old man, for satisfaction guaranteed.

JOHN

I've got to see this for myself.

PORTER #2

You go ahead, enjoy yourself.

MR. ZWARTZ

Oh my God.

MATTHEW

Did you see the look in John's eyes? I haven't seen him like that in centuries.

MARK

Come on, let's see what's happening.

THEY RUSH IN. SOUND OF TABLES BEING TURNED OVER, GLASS BREAKING AND GIRLS SCREAMING

JOHN

You're all sinners, doomed to hell and eternal fire.

MARK

We're here John. We'll have those God fearing creatures converted in no-time.

MORE CRASHES OF GLASS AND TABLES BEING TURNED OVER.

MARK

Save your wretched souls.

MATTHEW

Repent while you can.

JOHN

Heathens, selling your bodies to the devil.

LUKE

Matthew, John, Mark, the whole street is covered in places like this.

JOHN

Then we'll have to visit each and every one of them.

SOUND OF MORE GLASS BREAKING, WOMEN SCREAMING, TABLES TURNING.

IN THE DISTANCE WE HEAR POLICE SIRENS

 

PSYCHIATRISTS OFFICE

DR. WALTERS IS ON THE TELEPHONE

DR. WALTERS

Yes, yes, I understand. Thank you for calling.

REPLACES TELEPHONE

DR. WALTERS (cont'd)

They are all in jail. They went into some nightclubs in the city and tore the places apart. They're mad, crazy! Do you know how much damage they caused?

LORD

Yes (sigh) I know. Come, we have to get them out of there.

FRONT DESK - POLICE STATION

OFFICER

Hello there. Can I help you?

(beat)

Oh my....

LORD

Yes my son, I know. Bring me to them right away.

OFFICER

Follow me.

WE HEAR THE SOUND OF KEYS AND A DOOR OPENING

MATTHEW

He's here. I knew he'd come.

JOHN

What took you so long? Getting old I suppose. I used to only have to snap my fingers when we got into trouble and you would appear in an instant.

JINGLE OF KEYS AND SOUND OF JAIL OPENING

DR. WALTERS

You should be ashamed of yourself.

MR. ZWARTZ

Me? I did nothing, well, nearly nothing.

DR. WALTERS

I know what a trouble maker you are.

MR. ZWARTZ

Honestly, I had no part of it. They went totally crazy. Destroyed everything as if it was made of paper. A battalion of men wouldn't have done as much damage as they did.

DR. WALTERS

Goodness.

JOHN

(angry) you should have seen what those women were wearing.

DR. WALTERS

What were they wearing?

JOHN

(softly) Nothing at all.

LORD

That was no excuse to cause material damage.

MATTHEW

It's their own fault!

LORD

Their fault?

MATTHEW

They don't make furniture as strong as they used to. It falls apart as soon as you pick it up.

LORD

I'm afraid you'll have to go back to the cave.

MATTHEW

What?

LUKE

Again?

MARK

We never have any fun there.

JOHN

(shouting) I refuse to go back.

LORD

You WILL go back.

JOHN

(defeated) Whatever you say.

LORD

You are not ready to walk the streets of modern man. You are all still living in the past. Things are not like they used to be. The world has changed and you have to change with it. I thought you could blend in and settle down but that is a little premature at this moment of time.

MATTHEW

John?

JOHN

Don't worry I'll translate it and write it down for you later.

LORD

But all is not lost.

(beat)

Would you like to join them?

MR. ZWARTZ

Me? What did I do wrong.

LORD

Nothing at all, but only you can rehabilitate them.

MR. ZWARTZ

Is that possible?

LORD

With the help of modern appliances I think it can be done.

MR. ZWARTZ

How modern?

LORD

Radio, television, video. You name it.

MR. ZWARTZ

Sounds good. I think I could teach them a thing or two. When are we going?

LORD

Whenever you want.

MR. ZWARTZ

I think we better go now before the police find out they have escaped. Okay men, grab your stuff, put it in the car, and we can go right away. Aren't you coming?

LORD

My place is here. I have taught them all I can.

MARK

Did you hear that? He said he could teach us a thing or two.

MATTHEW

That what he thinks. Ha ha ha

MR. ZWARTZ

Say, what are all you laughing about?

MORE LAUGHTER

FADE OUT


End

 

 

 

 

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