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Dialogue and the use of descriptive tags

by

M. Kathleen Crouch

 

Dialogue, Descriptive Tags and Non-Verbal Dialogue

 

By

 

M. Kathleen Crouch

 

What is Dialogue and how should you use it?

Dialogue establishes setting, conveys information, advances the plot, moves the story forward, make complicated developments understandable, defines and reveals the characters, shows emotions and breaks up long passage of narration. Dialogue permits fiction to speak not merely to the mind but to the ear as well.

Good dialogue is a form of slight-of-hand because it isn’t real, but it seems to be real. Dialogue in a scene or chapter provides action, while narration is used to bridge time and events with a minimum of words if nothing interesting or exciting happens during that time period.

Examples of good dialogue:

"Who knows?" He shrugged. "Father doesn’t like the priests very much."

"I took a wrong turn," she said.

She held her hand out. "You’ve had a long day, I see. Give me the horse and we’ll go sup together."

What is Formal Dialogue and why shouldn’t you use it?

Formal dialogue is stilted and boring unless it is necessary to show that the speaker or character is stiff, formal or pompous or that his native language is not English. As humans we use contractions in speaking, so our characters should also use contractions.

"I say, have you seen the latest news? It is quite extraordinary."

"Hey, have you seen the latest news? It’s extraordinary."

How does dialogue define the characters?

What the characters say and how they speak conveys information about the characters to your readers. Another example of "Show, not tell.". When the character reveals something, it’s more believable than when the author explains the character in a narrative; often the reader doesn’t read the narrative and may miss a critical clue to the character’s personality or his/her motivations.

When you write the dialogue for a particular character, be sure to match the dialogue to the character. A child wouldn’t speak in long complicated sentences (though it has been done in some science-fiction stories). Nor would a wise man ask, "What’s up babe?"

Each character should have his or her own voice just as each character has his or her own physical description. Humans sound different, use different words, expressions, tones, dialects and speech styles. Our characters should do the same or the reader will soon be bored and go on to read someone else’s novel.

Example:

Jay stepped up to the door. "Do you really think she’ll see us?", looking at Marcie standing behind him.

"We can only try." Marcie looked at him. "Well, what are you waiting for?"

"I don’t know. I just…"

"Don’t think. Just do."

Jay’s dialogue shows uncertainty while Marcie’s shows confidence and a bit of impatience.

Using dialogue as an information dump

Beginning writers often use dialogue to dump information about what has happened to a character or characters particularly after they’ve learned not to use the narrative as an information dump. But it’s still an information dump that will usually bore the reader. Dialogue should be used to move the story forward.

Example:

"Hi Joe. What’s up? Haven’t seen you in a coon’s age. I hear you’ve been writing ever since our graduation back in the 60’s; you know when we all promised to get together every year to celebrate our being free of having to attend classes like Mr. Holly’s dumb writing class; then you went into the Army and got sent to Vietnam….

One character is telling Joe something he already knows and the reader is getting bored. If it is necessary to present the information save it for a later time or let bits and pieces come out as Joe talks with the other characters in your novel.

What are Dialogue Tags?

Dialogue tags explain who’s talking and Action Tags explain what they are doing when they talk. Most beginning writers worry about using ‘she said’ or ‘he said’ too much and use other tags instead:

smiled, grinned, smirked, murmured, breathed, gasped, thundered, yelled, hissed, whined, ….the list goes on and on.

Actually using ‘she said’ or ‘he said’ is preferred by most editors since ‘said’ is almost an invisible word. By that I mean that most readers don’t really notice it because they are used to seeing it all the time. Using other tags usually draws the reader’s attention away from the story to the writing instead and breaks the flow of the action.

Action Tags in Dialogue:

A better tag is the Action Tag. An action tag gives the dialogue impact, making it important and bringing out facets of the character that might go unnoticed otherwise.

There are basically four reasons to use action tags:

To help reveal a character:

"I’m stopping now.", he said, putting the book down on the table and walking out the door, slamming it behind him.

To contribute to a mood:

"I’ve missed you.", she said, hugging him.

To emphasize a moment in a scene:

"Leave me alone!", she said, tears running down her face.

To allow a pause between dialogue passages:

"Come on, Tia." She said, struggling to get the leash attached to Tia’s collar. "I’m taking you out to the car."

Using staggered Tags:

Use a tag before, in the middle or at the end of dialogue:

She said, "Good for you."

"What do you want?", he asked, "Toast or cereal?"

"I want to sleep now.", Mary said.

Use a tag at the end of the dialogue with an attached piece of action:

"Will you take me to the store?", she asked, walking to the door.

Avoid using adverbs:

Adverbs are word that usually end in "ly": angrily, softly, loudly, sadly. Adverbs tell the reader what to feel rather than letting the reader experience what is being said by the character.

Example:

"I’m going to get something to eat.", he said angrily.

This would be better written as:

"I’m going to get something to eat.", he said, stomping out of the room.

Hints:

Listen for interesting phrases from life that you can insert into your writing to give it richness:

"Don’t that beat all.", "Oh, goody.", "Well, I never.", "Nope, don’t want that."

What is Non-Verbal Dialogue?

Non-verbal dialogue is the body gestures, postures, and facial expressions by which a person communicates when he or she speaks. For example, I twist a strand of my hair when I’m watching television or waiting for someone.

Other examples:

head scratching, tapping fingers, twisting or rolling a piece of paper, gesturing with the hands and arms;

frowning, smiling, tilting the head to one side or the other, shrugging;

leaning forward, leaning back, arms crossed in front of the body, arms relaxed at the side, feet on the desk;

 

What are appropriate places to use non-verbal dialogue?

Think about what your character is saying and the setting he or she is in. If it’s an emotional scene, what would they do? How would you react in a similar situation? How do other people you know react in a similar situation? How would you feel?

When you know this, show your reader how your characters react instead of telling them:

She wandered around the room, touching the figurines. She picked up a figurine of a wolf with its head raised to the heavens and turned to her son. "David bought this for me when you were born." She caressed the wolf with her fingers.

Jeff saw the tears that overflowed and began to trickle down her face. He swallowed, trying not to let his voice break as he said, "I remember Father telling me the story about the wolf and why the wolf was a role model to follow."

If you’ve been a people watcher for awhile, you know what I’m talking about. If, on the other had, you're not sure about what gestures show what kinds of emotion, watch the people around you. What happens to their voices? What do their faces do when they're happy? How do they stand? What about when they're angry? Bored? Hurt? Sad? Imagine you're experiencing

these emotions yourself. What sensations can you feel? How does it feel physically?

Exercises:

Go to a grocery store and watch people as they choose items.

Go for a walk in the park and watch people as they relax.

For learning how characters show non-verbal dialogue watch a movie with the sound off. Try to analyze characters' gestures and movements. Define what tells you how a character feels. It may surprise you how easy isolating these cues really is. Then describe your character displaying the body language you've isolated. It's that simple.

Using body language in your writing can make your characters more believable for both readers and editors. Which means people will enjoy your story more, and it's far more likely to sell.

Dialect:

Dialects should be avoided since they can break the reader’s attention of what is going on in the scene or chapter. Instead, strive for creating an impression dialect by rendering the flavor of the character’s personality, background and manner of speaking. You can do this by choosing typical local expressions and speech, ways of arranging words in a sentence and by the idiosyncrasies of inflection.

Examples:

"Dis woman, she went to the store to buy some eats; but on the way there, she ran into an old friend who took her out to dinner."

"I say, Jack, having you here is a real pleasure. I’ll be sorry to see you leave." Sam opened the door for Jack and all his luggage.

"Well, I’ve certainly enjoyed my stay. But it’s time for me to get back to rat race." Jack sighed, wanting to stay longer.

Summary:

Good dialogue creates a sense of immediacy, bringing the character close to the reader in the here and now. Dialogue banishes the writer and turns the page into a stage and the characters into actors who speak out clearly for themselves. The reader is not merely being told that they are saying so-and-so, he or she hears the characters say it.

If you, as a writer, have created a character that is interesting, compelling and action orientated, his dialogue should reflect those characteristics. His personality should emerge every time he speaks. Dialogue is drama and the most basic requirement of dialogue is to know your characters. If your characters are sufficiently real to you, they will speak in their own voices and in their own characteristic ways and they won’t be mistaken for another character.

Dialogue should:

Provide information in bits and pieces

Advance the action and further the plot

Provide a new development in the plot; a new twist

Characterize someone other than the speaker – another character who may nor may not have been introduced to the reader at this time.

Dialogue Tags should be used sparingly. Not every line of dialogue needs a tag or an action tag. Tags should only be used to show what a character is doing or how the character feels at the time of speaking.

Dialects should be avoided since they can break the reader’s attention of what is going on in the scene or chapter. Instead, use how a character talks to characterize his or her background.

How does your dialogue sound to the reader? Well, a suggestion for the writer is to read the dialogue out loud. If it doesn’t sound right, it probably isn’t; which means that your reader won’t enjoy the dialogue and may decide that your novel isn’t worth the effort of his or her time.

A last point:

Keep the dialogue short and to the point; long passages of dialogue often turn into a lecture. Remember the KISS principle: Keep It Simple, Scribe.

 

Sources:

"Advanced Writing The Novel", Lary Crews, 1998, AOL

"The Craft Of Writing Science Fiction That Sells", Ben Bova, 1975, Writer’s Digest Books

"Techniques of Fiction Writing", Eloise Jarvis McGraw, 1959, The Writer, Inc.

Various articles by Jacqueline Lichtenberg, (http://www.simegen.com/school/workshop/index.html)

 

 

 

 

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