Sime 101



This page was displayed on Nova's Sime~Gen web page until recently, and CZ is proud to "adopt" it. Comments are welcome. Note that the opinions expressed here are not necessarily those of the CZ editorial staff.

Well Gens, your heart has been taken in by a skinny waif with tentacles and big eyes and you are wondering where to go from here. Your next step is training. When your Sime is well trained, it makes a world of difference for you and your Sime. Behavioral problems are usually bad habits that can be prevented with proper training.


1. Training should begin in first year. Training can continue into adulthood, but keep in mind it's harder to "teach an old Sime new tricks".

2. Simes, like children, have short attention spans, so training sessions should be short. No more than 15 to 20 minutes without a break. Potential varies among Simes so see how many of these training sessions per day your new Sime can do.

3. Be consistent. Don't confuse your Sime; the poor thing has enough to deal with. If something is forbidden it is always forbidden, and never mind what other Simes are allowed to do.

4. When you catch your Sime doing something wrong think "NO" and put your nager into it hard. Not too hard or the Sime may accidentally put a hole in your ceiling; ask me how I know this.

5. Remember, your Sime is a fragile as he/she looks. NEVER, NEVER use physical punishment on your Sime. This is unkind. The tone of your nager is more than enough. After your Sime has responded to your correction, praise the Sime immediately.

6. Reward good behavior and obedience. See rule 5 at the bottom of this page. Use your nager to let your Sime know when you are pleased. Most Simes relish in this and with the proper training, become quite eager to please.

7. Be patient. Your Sime has difficulty concentrating, especially at certain times of the month. It may be more difficult to train your Sime at this time. Decrease the number of training sessions until after transfer.

This isn't brain surgery fellow Gens, by following these simple rules you will be on your way to having a well trained, well behaved Sime.



"My Sime just changed over - What do I do?" By Matt Marigole

"The Complete Sime Care Manual" By Dr. Bruce Fosebite DSM

"The Way of the Nager" By various authors

"Herriot's Sime Stories" By Joe Herriot.

"No Bad Simes" By Anne Trainem


"Housebreaking your Sime"

"Augumenting and exercise"

"Your healthy Sime"





"I'm one of those bad Gens that happen to good Simes."

"CHAOS, PANIC, DISORDER! A Gen's work is done."

"Lord, give me the strength to put up with the Simes who are going to piss me off today."

"So when is the Wizard getting back to the Sime about that brain?"

"Only the paranoid Gens survive. It also helps to be vicious and nasty."

"Usually a Sime's purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others."

"Simes are the reason Gens are medicated."

"All Gens are multi-talented. We can talk and piss off Simes at the same time."

"Mothers of Simes and teenagers know why animals eat their young."

"All Simes are animals, some just make better pets."

"Behind every successful Sime, is a surprised Gen."

"My Sime's village called; their idiot is missing."

"Thank you. We Gens are all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view."

"I don't know what your problem is with you Sime, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce."

"I like you Sime. You remind me of when I was young, pre-established and stupid."

"Ahhh, I see the screw-up fairy has visited the Simes again."

"I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about Simes."

"Yes, we Gens are aGents of Satan, but our duties are largely ceremonial."

"How about never, Sime? Is never good for you?"

"You sound reasonable for a Sime: Time to up my medication."

"We Gens might look like we're doing nothing, but at the cellular level we're really quite busy."

"At least we Gens have a positive attitude about our destructive habits."

"You are validating my inherent mistrust of Simes."

"Evil shouldn't zlin this good."

"Smile, it confuses the Simes."

"I can only please one Sime per day. Today is not your day, tomorrow doesn't look good either."

"I'm the Gen, this is about as perky as I get."

"My channel's wild oats turned into shredded wheat."

"I only toy with Simes on days that end in Y."

"Do you want to talk to the channel in charge or the Gen who knows what's going on?"

"They can't help it, they're only Simes."

"Of course we Gens don't look busy, we did it right the first time."

"For your own safety Sime, don't annoy the crazy Gen."

"I wear the nager in the house hold."

"Because I'm the Gen, that's why."

"Little Sime, I am the Gen your mother warned you about."

"Every Sime is entitled to my opinion."

"Simes should be seen and not heard."

"Be afraid Sime, be very afraid."

"OK you Simes, We'll get along fine just as soon as you realize I'm GOD!"

"Careful Sime, I'm a Gen that can smell fear."

"When the Gen is happy everyone is happy."

"C'mon Simes, make my month."

"Yep, and I've got the nager to back it up too."

"Sime, I'm your worst nightmare."

"Come near my Sime with those retainers and they will have to surgically remove them from YOUR body."

"Do not meddle in the affairs of wild Gens, for they are quick to anger, and you may be injured."

"Zlinning her nager you say? And what a lovely set of nager on that lady, they look like a 36-C to ME!!"

"RenSimes fear me, channels want me."

"Come in to my transfer parlor said the Gen to the little Sime."

"That's Ms. Gen Bitch to you Sime!"

"Don't cut off your tentacle, to spite your arm."

"My, my, what a brave little Sime."



1. The Gen always makes the rules.

2. The rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.

3. No Sime can possibly know all the rules.

4. If the Gen suspects the Sime knows all the rules, the Gen must immediately change some or all of the rules.

5. The Gen is NEVER wrong.

6. If the Gen is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the Sime did or said wrong.

7. If rule 6 applies, the Sime must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.

8. The Gen can change his/her mind at any given point in time.

9. The Sime must never change his/her mind without express written consent from the Gen.

10. The Gen has every right to be angry or upset at any time.

11. The Sime must remain calm at ALL times, unless the Gen wants the Sime to be angry or upset.

12. The Gen must, under no circumstances, let the Sime know whether or not he/she wants the Sime to be angry or upset.

13. Any attempt to document these rules could result in bodily harm.

14. If the Gen is female and has PMS, all rules are null and void.

From the I'm not the only one Department:

"A Gen always has the last word in any argument. Anything the Sime says after that is the start of a new argument." -Captain Button

Responses from the Sime point of view are welcome! We hope to compose a page of additional one-liners that represent a variety of perspectives--Sime and Gen, Tecton, Distect, others...? Please send remarks and one-liners to: A Companion in Zeor!

Companion in Zeor is Copyright © 1997, 1998, 1999, 2000, 2001  by Sime~Gen Inc.   

The Sime~Gen universe was created by Jacqueline Lichtenberg and is owned by Sime~Gen Inc. This story and its setting may not be reused without explicit permission of the Corporation.  Email: 


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