A Collection of Selyn Lamp Jokes

By

Edward Bornstein

with input from

Kaas Baichtal

This list was first published in an email message from Edward Bornstein to the SIMEGEN-L mailing list. It becomes the first item in Companion in Zeor #12, senior editor Karen Litman, the first online-only version of the fanzine. Converted to HTML by Mike Giroux

If you have any ideas for new jokes to add to the list, please mail them to our editor, Karen Litman, or our webservant Mike Giroux.

The Sime~Gen universe was created by Jacqueline Lichtenberg. This story or its setting may not be reused without her explicit permission. This story copyright © 1997 by Jacqueline Lichtenberg. All rights reserved.

 

How many Church of the Purity members does it take to charge a selyn lamp?

 25. One to light a candle, one to preach a sermon on the evils of Simes, and 23 to murder anyone who goes into changeover.

 

 

How many Tecton Channels does it take to charge a selyn lamp?

Seven. One to charge it, one to monitor his anti-kill conditioning, two to fight over its priority, and three to fill out the forms.

 

 

How many Diet terrorists does it take to charge a selyn lamp?

Five. Three to convert it into a selyn bomb, and two to hand out leaflets explaining how it shows that Simes Can't Be Trusted.

 

 

How many Distect members does it take to charge a selyn lamp?

Four. One to charge it, a undeveloped channel to check the match, one to explain how evil the Tecton's method of charging is, and one to blow up the

building.

 

 

How many Farris Channels does it take to charge a selyn lamp?

Three. One to charge it, one to agonize over the morality of changing it, and one to come down with a new form of Entran.

OR

Kaas: ONE. (It only takes ONE Farris to do ANYTHING)

 

 

How many Zeor members does it take to charge a selyn lamp?

Three. One to charge it, one to strive for excellence, and one to carve the inscription in the Memorial to the One Billion.

 

 

How many School of Rathor graduates does it take to charge a selyn lamp?

Just one. Provided it harms no one and tends towards harmony with nature.

 

 

How many Keon members does it take to charge a selyn lamp?

WHAT!! And infringe on its Freedom?

OR

Kaas: Normally one, but they'll bring more people for an additional "charge"

 

 

How many Runzi Raiders does it take to charge a selyn lamp?

None. Only Householding Perverts are afraid of the dark.

 

 

Kaas came up with a few independently:

 

How many Householding channels does it take to charge a selyn lamp?

"Don't we have people to do that?"

OR

Two. One to charge the lamp, and the other to exclaim, "That just gave me an idea!"

 

 

How many Save Our Kids members does it take to charge a selyn lamp?

31. Thirty to scream "We don't want you or your kind, we'd rather sit here going blind", and one to file the charges.

 

 

How many Hung Heroes does it take to charge a selyn lamp?

One, and he hates his job, but he'll be doing it the rest of his life.

 

 

How many First Order Donors does it take to recharge a selyn lamp?

One, but it's only temporary. After he leaves the room everybody remembers the lamp is burnt out again.

 

From Companion in Zeor #12

Last modified on 18 June 97 at 1520