Nessie and the Terrible Troll

by Lois June Wickstrom and Jean Lorrah

Sean, 12 year old boy

Awk-Awk, a talking seal with a ball balanced on his head

Troll

Nessie

Mermaid

Pegleg Viking

Hook-hand Viking

Barnacle Beard Viking

Opening scene: shore of Loch Ness. Dark green water. Occasional log pokes up. Boat goes by, leaving wake. Seal balances a red ball on his head he waddles along the shore. Sean kicks at pebbles.

(A log pokes up, Awk-Awk points at it. He jumps, bouncing his ball.)

Awk-Awk: There she is!

(Sean turns to look.)

Sean: That’s not Nessie! It’s just a log. You promised you’d introduce me to the Loch Ness Monster. You said she was your friend.

(boat goes by, leaving a wake. Awk-Awk points to the wake. He jumps, bouncing his ball.)

Awk-Awk: I see Nessie!

(Sean turns to look.)

Sean: That’s not Nessie! That’s just the wake from the boat. Quit teasing me. We have to go home tomorrow. I don’t want to go home without meeting Nessie.

(Troll comes stomping down the lake shore.)

Troll: Smash! Bash! Crash a rock!

I’m going to drain the Loch!

Sean: You can’t drain Loch Ness! Nessie lives here!

Troll: I’m going to catch that beast

and put an end to her roaming.

I’ll cook her in a giant feast

in soup all thick and foaming.

(Mermaid waves to audience from lake. None of the characters on stage are facing the lake, so none of them see her. Mermaid has a ball like Awk-Awk’s but it’s blue. Note – each ball has a different sound effect. Awk-Awk’s gets a drum beat. Mermaid’s gets tinkling bells.)

Sean: Nobody could drain Loch Ness! That’s silly! Where would you put all that water?

Troll: Don’t you ever call me silly.

I’m a terrible troll.

Loch Ness is mighty chilly.

But I can drain it like bowl.

Awk-Awk: That’s just a bunch of bluster.

Troll: See that meter on the shore.

It measures water in Nessie’s lair

When it falls, there is no more

Nessie had better be aware.

(Troll indicates meter on stage right)

My pumps are powered with dank grey fog

They’ll drain Loch Ness to an empty bog

(Troll stamps foot, causing Awk-Awk and Mermaid to lose their balls. We hear the beat-beat of Awk-Awk’s ball as it hits the ground, and the tinkle of Mermaid’s as it washes in the waves of Loch Ness. Still, Awk-Awk and Mermaid do not see each other.)

Awk-Awk: Oh, awk! Gravity!

(Waves in the lake make the balls trade places. Mermaid grabs Awk-Awk’s ball and dives under. Awk-Awk picks up Mermaid’s ball and puts it on his head.)

Troll: Smash! Bash! Crash a Rock! I’m going to drain the Loch!

(Troll stomps off, causing a mini-earthquake. A wave splashes Sean and Awk-Awk. Awk-Awk loses ball again. We hear the bell sound.)

Awk-Awk: Oh, awk! Gravity!

Sean: We have to stop the troll from draining the loch.

(Mermaid surfaces again. Giggles. Holds up red ball.)

Mermaid: Nessie will know what to do. Do you want to see Nessie?

Sean: You bet I do! More than anything!

Mermaid: Then you’ll do what I say.

Awk-Awk: This is no time for your mermaid games. We need Nessie to save the loch. And I need my ball back.

Sean: Please get Nessie to come see us..

(Mermaid giggles.)

Awk-Awk: Mermaids are full of tricks.

Sean: (to Mermaid) This is no time to play tricks.

Mermaid: (giggles) It’s always time for tricks.

Sean: Can we get Nessie up here? We need her help!

(Mermaid giggles.)

Sean: (to Awk-Awk) How do we get her (meaning mermaid) to help us?

Awk-Awk: We’ll see Nessie without her.

(Awk-Awk stomps flipper. Ball falls off his head. More tinkling sound.)

Awk-Awk: Oh, Awk, Gravity!

Sean: What do we have to do for you, so you’ll fetch Nessie? Whatever it is, we’ll do it!

(Mermaid giggles.)

Awk-Awk: No! Don’t!

Sean: (to Mermaid)

Just tell me what to do.

Awk-Awk: You can’t! I’ll do it!

(Sean takes blue ball and balances it on his own head.)

Mermaid: (giggles) I’ll show you Nessie if you’ll get my jeweled comb back from the Viking Ghosts who stole it.

(Mermaid ducks under water with red ball.)

Sean: That doesn’t sound hard.

Awk-Awk: You haven’t met the Viking Ghosts. They live at the bottom of the loch. One has a peg leg. One has a hook for a hand. And one has barnacles in his beard.

(Mermaid pops up again and splashes Sean.)

Mermaid: And you can’t breathe under water.

Sean: I could try to hold my breath for a long time.

Mermaid: You can’t ask the Vikings for my comb while you are holding your breath!

Awk-Awk: That settles it. You can’t go.

Sean: I need to see Nessie! The loch is in danger! So somebody has to go.

Awk-Awk: Okay. I’ll do it. I’ll need to take that ball with me.

Sean: Why? I’m having fun with it.

Awk-Awk: I’m a seal. I’d look ridiculous without a ball on my head.

Sean: Silly seal!

(Sean puts ball on Awk-Awk’s head.)

Hurry up! The loch is draining!

cut to scene under the loch.

Troll is digging in his cave, putting rocks into a hopper of a Rube Goldberg type contraption that is attached to the meter. In another part of the lake bottom: Mermaid is singing. Nessie approaches. (Note bottom of Loch Ness has three areas – Troll’s cave with Rube Goldberg machine, Viking’s Lair, and Nessie’s Grotto. Each is illuminated by light as needed.

Mermaid: (singing and smoothing hair, holding red ball) Mistress Mary, quite contrary, how does your garden grow. With silver bells and cockle shells and pretty maids all in a row.

Nessie: What a pretty song! And your hair looks lovely today. (Pause) What happened to your fancy jeweled comb?

Mermaid: (angrily) The Vikings stole it.

(She bounces red ball. Drum sound.)

Nessie: I’m sure they’ll give it back if you sing for them. Pegleg can never resist your songs.

Troll: If she sings for thieves

she rewards them for stealing

"It all belongs to me"

is every thief’s feeling.

And there is another thing

I triply hate to hear her sing!

Nessie: Mermaids sing. Vikings steal. That’s the way the world is. Why not enjoy it?

Troll:

I hate the world in this cold lake

Mermaid, Monster and Viking!

That gold was meant for me to take

Nothing here is to my liking!

Nessie: Poor Troll, you’re having a bad day. And so is our mermaid – with her comb stolen. And she has the wrong ball.

Mermaid: Awk-Awk promised to get my comb back for me.

Troll: Oh no, not that awful seal!

He must not come down here!

He’s as clumsy as an eel

He’ll stumble on my draining gear!

Smash! Bash! Crash a Rock.

I’m going to drain the Loch!

(Troll picks up a sledge and smashes rocks in his cave.)

Nessie: You saw Awk-Awk? He’s my dearest friend. Why didn’t you call me?

Mermaid: I wanted to play a trick on him. I took his ball.

Nessie: That’s not a good trick. He needs his ball. Where is he?

Mermaid: I don’t know. He said he’d get my comb back from the Vikings.

Troll: Smash! Bash! Crash a rock!

I’m going to drain the Loch!

(change lights to show scene of Vikings counting their gold from a chest. We hear sound of Mermaid’s ball as Awk-Awk approaches the Vikings’ Lair..)

Pegleg: I hear the mermaid coming. I hope she’ll sing for us.

Hook Hand: I love her songs. We have her comb. We can make her sing to get it back.

(Awk-Awk glides in.)

Pegleg: Oh no! Not Awk-Awk. He always messes things up!

Hook Hand: How did you sneak in here? We can always tell when you’re coming by the sound of your ball.

Pegleg: We heard the mermaid coming. Where is she?

(Awk-Awk is wandering around, and Pegleg and Hook hand are trying to keep him away from the piles of gold that Barnacle Beard is counting.)

Awk-Awk: She sent me to fetch her comb. She said she left it here.

Barnacle Beard: Five thousand, two hundred eighty-one. Five thousand, two hundred, eighty-

Awk-Awk: Excuse me. Have you seen the Mermaid’s jeweled comb?

Barnacle Beard: two. Five-thousand, two hundred, eighty-three. Five..

Pegleg: I heard her singing earlier. I love to hear her sing.

Awk-Awk: She told me you stole her comb. And she wants it back. The troll is draining the loch. Nessie will know what to do. But the mermaid won’t fetch Nessie if I don’t bring her the jeweled comb.

Barnacle Beard: thousand, two hundred eighty-four. Five thousand, two-

Hook Hand: I’ll give the comb back if she sings for us.

Awk-Awk: Will you give it back if I sing for you?

(Pegleg steers Awk-Awk to an old box and gestures him to climb on top.)

Pegleg: Let’s hear you sing.

Awk-Awk: (Elvis imitation) Well, it's one for the money, Two for the show, Three to get ready, Now go, cat, go. But don't you step on my blue suede shoes. You can do anything but lay off of my Blue suede shoes.

Hook Hand: No! No! You should pay us to listen to that!

Barnacle Beard: hundred eighty-five. Five thousand...

Pegleg: I’ve got an idea. The Troll stole some of our gold. If you get the gold coins back for us, we’ll give you the Mermaid’s jeweled comb.

Awk-Awk: I’m afraid of the Troll. He tromps around and chants, "Smash! Bash! Crash a Rock! I’m going to drain the Loch!"

(Awk-Awk imitates Troll stomping, and ball falls off his head, knocking over the pile of Viking gold. More tinkling bell sounds.)

Awk-Awk: Oh, awk, gravity!

Barnacle Beard: Now look what you’ve done!

Hook Hand: Bring us the gold, or you’ll never see that jeweled comb. Be gone!

(Awk-Awk picks up ball and swims away.)

Back on the shore of Loch Ness, Sean is waiting for Awk-Awk. Nessie approaches.

Nessie: You must be Awk-Awk’s friend.

Sean: Wow! Nessie! I came all the way to Scotland to see you! Wow! The Loch Ness Monster!

Nessie: We don’t have time for that. Are you Awk-Awk’s friend?

Sean: Yes, I’m Sean. Wow! I’m seeing Nessie! Awk-Awk is looking for you.

Nessie: I’m looking for him, too. The mermaid has his ball, and he needs it. He doesn’t know it, but I gave him that ball to protect him from bad things. You have to help him get it back.

Sean: I’ll try. Wow! Nessie! And I need to tell you something, too...

(Nessie ducks out of sight.)

(Troll approaches.)

Troll: Where is your stupid seal friend, now?

Did he float away on some passing scow?

Sean: Awk-Awk is getting the Mermaid’s jeweled comb back from the Vikings who stole it.

Troll: Likely story. He just wants their gold.

That’s the only reason he’d brave the cold.

I heard him singing in the Vikings’ Lair

His voice is dreadful, beyond compare!

Sean: I’m sure he had a good reason.

Troll: The Vikings catch people and make them sing.

So, his singing is not a good sign.

They bind them up with rope and string

and tie them to thick planks of pine

He’ll never get the mermaid’s comb

Stupid seal! He should stay home!

Sean: If he’s been captured, you have to free him!

Troll: If I bring Awk-Awk back to you

Alive and in one piece

There is something you must do

In trade for his release

Sean: That depends what you want. I’d never hurt Nessie. And I won’t help drain the Loch.

Troll: Your friend the seal, likes to sing

more sweetly than a frog

Just ask him for a song to bring

clouds of dense grey rolling fog

Sean: You said your Loch draining machine runs on Fog. If Awk-Awk calls the fog, you’ll be able to drain the loch even faster..

Troll: The Vikings have trapped your friend below

where he’ll never see the light

I can make them let him go

If you make Awk-Awk sing tonight

Sean: If you drain the lake, Nessie will die. I won’t be part of that..

Troll: I need not drain the lake full dry

And Nessie will not have to die

I only want the Vikings’ gold

It should be mine to have and hold

Sean: I want no part of your evil schemes. And neither does Awk-Awk!.

Troll: Not so fast, my silly frien’

You might not see that seal again.

When I drain the lake, you’ll see your beast

And your friend will be released

My offer is both generous and kind

I’ll give you time to change your mind

(In Nessie’s Grotto:)

Mermaid: I’m worried about Awk-Awk. He should be back by now. And, my hair is getting messy without my comb.

Nessie: I’m worried about Awk-Awk, too. Those Vikings can be dangerous. They have swords. He’s my best friend in the whole world.

Mermaid: Let’s go check on him. I’ll even sing for them if I have to.

(Brief blackout as Nessie and Mermaid swim to Viking’s Lair. These are simply different parts of the stage that get lit up at different times.)

Barnacle Beard: One thousand, six hundred forty-two.

Pegleg: (to Mermaid) Did you come to sing for us?

Nessie: Where’s Awk-Awk?

Hook Hand: We sent him to fetch our stolen gold back from the Troll.

Barnacle Beard: One thousand, six hundred forty-three.

Nessie: You have plenty of gold right here. How could you risk Awk-Awk’s life for a few coins?

Mermaid: You should have gone yourselves. You’re ghosts already.

Pegleg: You should have come yourself to get the comb.

Mermaid: The Troll said if I came myself, you’d make me sing and that would just encourage you to steal again.

Barnacle Beard: One thousand, six hundred forty-four.

Nessie: Troll is up to something. He must have captured Awk-Awk.

Hook Hand: What would a troll do with a seal?

Mermaid: I’ve heard him chanting, "Crash, Bash, Smash a Rock. I’m going to drain the Loch," and he’s building something in his cave.

Pegleg: But Awk-Awk is so clumsy, Troll wouldn’t want him anywhere near something he was building.

Barnacle Beard: One thousand, six hundred, forty-five.

Nessie: Awk-Awk is in danger.

Barnacle Beard: So are we all if he drains the Loch. (Pause) Oh, now I’ve lost count again!

---------

(In troll’s cave with Rube Goldberg machine. Pile of gold in corner of cave. Awk-Awk sneaks in. Awk-Awk is almost at the gold when he loses his ball, which makes music sounds and rolls toward the gold. Troll sees him.)

Awk-Awk: Oh, awk, gravity!

Troll: I’ve got you now, you sneaky seal.

I’ll grind you to blubber under my wheel.

I did not think you were so bold

That you’d come here to steal my gold.

(Awk-Awk retrieves ball.)

Awk-Awk: It’s not your gold. It belongs to the Vikings. You stole it from them. I’m just here to get it back

Troll: The Vikings stole it from Spain and France

It’s really only theirs by chance.

Now you have come to steal it too

What do you think I’ll do to you?

(Troll makes menacing gestures as if about to stuff Awk-Awk into the Rube Goldberg machine.)

Awk-Awk: No matter what you do, Nessie will come rescue me.

Troll: Nessie can’t hear you inside my cave

Now you’re caught, you’ll be my slave

Dig a ditch and smash a rock

You will help me drain the loch

Awk-Awk: The Vikings are waiting for me to come back with your gold. If I’m gone too long, they’ll look for me.

Troll: The Vikings cannot help you here

Despite their swords, they’re full of fear

But I’ll give you gold and let you leave

If you will sing for me, at eve

Awk-Awk: I will not help you drain the loch.

(Troll hypnotizes Awk-Awk with gold coin on string that was in his pocket.)

Troll: Sing your song to bring the clouds

Thick ones, so the lake enshrouds

You’re hypnotized. You must obey

You’ll sing the sky to murky grey

You’ll sing until you hear the sound

of gold coins landing on dry ground.

(Awk-Awk swims away.)

Troll: The little seal will sing the fog

That powers my machine and turns the cog

And when this foggy night is o’er

Loch Ness will be a lake no more

Smash! Bash! Crash a rock!

I’m going to drain the loch!

(Nessie approaches Troll’s cave)

Nessie: Good day, Troll. Have you seen Awk-Awk? The Vikings said he might have come to see you.

Troll: See for yourself. Look deep in my cave

Awk-Awk’s not here. He’s not that brave.

And take a good look at my fog-powered pump

It’s draining the loch with every thump

You and your friends have not long to swim

The water has sunk below the rim.

When you’re flapping around, and have to walk

The one to thank will be Awk-Awk.

Nessie: What have you done to Awk-Awk? How is he involved in this terrible scheme?

Troll: Even as we speak down here below

Awk-Awk is singing in the sun’s last glow

His song will call the dense grey fog

Loch Ness will become an empty bog.

Scene on shore of Loch Ness. Awk-Awk and Sean

Awk-Awk: (seal sounds)

Sean: I’m so glad to see you. The Terrible Troll said the Vikings had captured you. I thought I’d never see you again.

Awk-Awk: (seal sounds)

Sean: What’s wrong? Why are you squawking like that?

Awk-Awk: (a few seal sounds)

I have to sing the sky to grey.

Until the night turns into day.

(More seal sounds)

The Troll has me in his spell.

I must destroy what I love well.

Sean: You have to stop singing. The Troll has a fog-powered pump. If you sing, the fog will come and his pump will work even faster. He’ll drain the loch, and Nessie will die.

Awk-Awk:( makes seal sounds) (The fog is coming – we see it on stage) (The meter shows the water level dropping.)

Fog is grey. Fog is thick.

The Troll has played an awful trick.

Sean: Oh, Awk-Awk, you need your ball! The one Nessie gave you! To protect you from bad things!

(Awk-Awk continues singing)

(Mermaid comes up)

Awk-Awk: (seal sounds)

Mermaid: I don’t need my comb. Really I don’t. Please be quiet!

Awk-Awk: (seal sounds)

Sean: (to Mermaid) Give him his red ball. Nessie made it to protect him.

(Mermaid giggles.)

(Pegleg comes up)

Pegleg: I don’t need that gold. There’s nothing to buy at the bottom of the loch. Please stop singing!

Awk-Awk: (seal sounds)

I must bring the fog till the lake enshrouds.

Fill the night sky with heavy grey clouds.

(Hook Hand comes up)

(Mermaid tosses red ball and catches it. We hear drum sounds.)

Hook Hand: Be quiet or I’ll tie you to the plank!

Awk-Awk: (seal sounds)

(Barnacle Beard comes up.)

Sean: Awk-Awk, stop squawking! You have to stop! You’re killing Nessie!

Barnacle Beard: (climbs up on shore with Awk-Awk) I give up. I’ll never count my money while you’re up here yapping. You always want to play. Come on! Toss me your ball!

Awk-Awk: (seal sounds)

No time to play. I must sing

Until the sounds of gold coins ring

Pegleg: (climbing out of lake) (to Awk-Awk:) Listen. He’s talking in rhyme. The Troll must have hypnotized him.

(To Mermaid:) Here’s your comb back! Now go get Nessie! Maybe she can make him stop.

(Pegleg gives comb to Mermaid. Pump continues.)

Sean: He needs his red ball. Nessie said so!

Awk-Awk: (More seal sounds.)

Mermaid: He can have it if he can catch it! (Giggles)

(Mermaid tosses ball to Barnacle Beard who drops coins when he catches ball. Pump continues.)

(Sounds of gold coins rolling on ground)

Barnacle Beard: I dropped my gold coins on the ground.

Oh, awk! Gravity!

(Barnacle Beard gives Awk-Awk his ball. Awk-Awk stops singing.)

Awk-Awk: That’s my line. And the loch is draining! We need Nessie to stop it!

Pegleg: Good! He’s come to his senses! Right after you dropped the gold on the ground.

Sean: And he got his red ball!

Mermaid: I’ll go look for Nessie.

Barnacle Beard: Put the red ball on your head.

(Meter continues to fall. Pump continues pumping. Then Awk-Awk puts red ball on his head, knocking off the blue one which rolls into the water.)

Awk-Awk: Oh, awk! Gravity!

(Mermaid grabs blue ball, giggles, and dives under.)

Sean: You stopped singing, but we still have fog. And the pump is still pumping. Look at the meter!

Barnacle Beard: The mermaid knows a song to clear the fog away.

Hook Hand: But she’s not here.

Sean: There has to be a way to stop that terrible troll! Someone needs to go to his cave and break that machine.

Barnacle Beard: Not me!

Pegleg: Not me!

Hook Hand: Not me!

Sean: And I can’t breathe under water.

Barnacle Beard: The mermaid could do it if she were here.

Awk-Awk: I’ll go!

Sean: But the troll might hypnotize you again!

Awk-Awk: Not while I have my red ball!

(Awk-Awk dives in.)

change scene to Troll’s cave. Awk-Awk approaching.

Troll: The pumps are fast, the water low

Soon, Nessie will have no place to go

That little seal brought my fog

Loch Ness will be my empty bog

Awk-Awk: I brought you fog, now give me the gold.

Troll: A troll never pays a debt

Not while one drop makes Loch Ness wet

Be gone before I capture you

And cook you in a hot seal stew

(Awk-Awk walks toward gold.)

Awk-Awk: I earned that gold. Get out of my way.

(Awk-Awk raises ball ready to throw it.)

Troll: If you throw that ball,

you’ll lose your magic

If you let it fall

Your end is tragic!

Awk-Awk: I don’t care what you do to me! I have to save Loch Ness and Nessie.

(Troll starts swinging gold coin to hypnotize Awk-Awk again.)

Troll: I’ll hypnotize you

And make you my slave

I’ll cook you in stew

Deep down in my cave

(Awk-Awk throws ball into Rube Goldberg machine where it bounces around. Lots of sound effects as ball bounces breaking parts of machine and finally falling down hole at the bottom and machine stops.)

Awk-Awk: Ha! Ha! Gravity! My red ball saved us all!

Troll: My fog-powered pump

He’s ruined it all

My pump won’t thump

Because of that ball!

That clumsy Awk-Awk

has wrecked my great scheme

Now I can’t drain the loch

I just want to scream!

(Troll screams as Awk-Awk takes his gold and leaves.)

Scene on shore of Loch Ness. Awk-Awk hands gold to Vikings. Meter shows water is back up in Loch Ness.

Awk-Awk: Here’s your gold, like I promised.

Pegleg: We don’t need it. You earned it.

Barnacle Beard: You saved our home.

Hook Hand: Use it to buy a new ball.

Awk-Awk: It’s not the same. Nessie made my old ball magic.

Sean: You’re a true hero.

Awk-Awk: But you never got to meet Nessie. I promised I’d get Nessie for you.

Sean: I met her. She told me about your ball. That’s how I knew you needed it.

Pegleg: She’ll be back. The mermaid has gone to get her.

Hook Hand: Mermaids are full of tricks.

(Mermaid pops up.)

Sean: There she is! (To Mermaid:) I’m glad you’re safe. Where’s Nessie?

(Nessie pops up)

Nessie: Awk-Awk, I found you at last! Let me give you a great big kiss!

(Awk-Awk goes to Nessie who kisses him.)

(Nessie continues) You were very brave to save the loch today.

Sean: We were looking for you all day, because we needed you to save the loch.

Nessie: And I needed you to save the loch. We all did it together.

Awk-Awk: Except for the Troll.

Mermaid: (to Awk-Awk) You look silly without a ball on your head. Take mine.

(She gives the blue ball to Awk-Awk.)

(Awk-Awk accepts the ball.)

Mermaid: (combing hair.) Now take a bow.

(Awk-Awk bows. Ball falls off his head.)

Awk-Awk: Oh, awk! Gravity!

Sean: Mermaids are full of tricks.

(Nessie catches ball and kisses it.)

Nessie: Now this ball will protect you.

(Nessie rolls ball to Awk-Awk, who puts it on his head again.)

Pegleg: Just please don’t sing!

Nessie: Go ahead. Sing. Seals sing. Mermaids play tricks. Vikings steal things. We can enjoy it all.

(Awk-Awk makes seal sounds.)

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