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Artwork: Loving Your Artificial Head by Will Jacques
The Frankenstein Limericks: Two Brides
David Sandner
The monster demanded a bride.
Victor said, ‘yes,’ but he lied.
The Creature got mad,
said, ‘I'll get you, Dad,’
which he did, so everyone died.
Elizabeth Lavenza Frankenstein
lifted a glass of fine wine,
said, ‘I’m happily wed!
But soon to be dead!’
– a thought she blamed on rot in the vine.
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What You Need to Know
about Monsters, a List
David Sandner
1. There’s nowhere to hide.
2. It’s already too late.
3. Don’t look in a mirror.
4. The teeth stack in rows behind one another, front to back, and they
are all sharp beyond measure.
5. I’m sorry. I didn’t know what I was doing.
6. If you open the door to the room I told you not to open, whatever you
find inside is now yours.
7. Never look back. It’s gaining.
8. You can wash your hands as much as you like, but the blood will not
come off.
9. Everything only seems to be okay.
10. What was that noise?
11. Did you think I had forgiven you?
12. No. Please. No. Please. No. Please.
13. Is that the last thing you remember?
14. It’s just not right. It will never, ever be right.
15. The mask does not come off anymore. It is your face now.
16. Why do you say that I am mad?
17. If you cry, they lick the tears from your cheek first with a fetid
tongue before they devour you, leaving you time to dream you are somewhere
else than here.
18. There is no bottom to the hole.
19. They have eyes that see in the dark. Eyes in the back of their head.
Eyes in their nipples and the palms of their hands. I see eyes that lie
behind your eyes.
20. I am dead.
21. Did you see yourself crawling out there in the shadows in the woods?
Where do you think you were going?
22. If you stay very quiet, they will still find you.
23. Do not kill those you love because you think it will appease them.
You do not get to know why you do it.
24. When the dull, yellow eye opens, you must laugh manically at your
success. It will be the last time you ever laugh.
25. They claw out of graves to come knock at your door. You can pretend
you’re not at home. But how long can the door take the pounding?
26. They smell you.
27. They can steal your shadow and replace it with themselves. Look sideways
when you look at your shadow, then you will know what I tell you is true.
28. Do not think. It draws them to you. Stillness and silence!
29. What you need to know is, there’s nothing you can know that
will make any difference.
30. Run!
31. Your breathing is the sweet promise of the steaming blood below your
sheath of skin, the rich meat of your heart behind your ribs, the delicacy
that is your brain beneath your skull.
32. It is inevitable. It is a trap, a dead end you created for yourself.
You know this. You will leave a note telling yourself so. You will stain
the note with tears.
33. A knife in your hand is a part of your hand now, like an extension
of the mind’s desires.
34. The dripping from the ceiling is not water.
35. Oh, god!
36. The wailing in the woods is a baby.
37. Is that what you were crawling towards? Out there?
38. To save it or…?
39. You opened the door! The room was not dark but full of light. Everything
could be seen. Every terrible thing you never wanted to see.
40. Hush, now, hush. Everything is going to be all right. Close your eyes
and dream of somewhere that is not here. Don’t cry any more.
41. Dream while I lick your cheek clean.
42. Soon, soon, you will sleep and this will all be over.
43. The silence of the grave is your reward. The coldness of your heart,
the nothing of your thoughts.
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